I’m so impressed by all the young dads who are turning out to be such naturals at parenting.

 

And I need to send a special shout out to Dennis Crowley, and his Instagram account (@dens) for giving us a rare insiders look at how much fun it is to be a hands-on dad. I highly recommend all my friends who are newish parents follow his account. It’s an absolute joy.  And that means a lot coming from someone like me who has never been particularly interested in kids.

What I’ve found especially fascinating in following Dennis’ Instagram is seeing how kids change from day to day. Watching his son’s journey from crawling to walking is amazing.  You miss a day or two, and they’ve developed a whole new skill set. I’ve been particularly intrigued to see how curious they are and how they tackle obstacles and challenges.

So let me say one more time: super impressed by all these young dads who have embraced fatherhood with such gusto.

In keeping with this post-Father’s Day theme, I found two recent studies on dads that are worth checking out. One is on dad-shaming, i.e., criticizing dads about their parenting skills, the other is on the impact of paternity leave.

 

Read on below.

 

A new national poll of 713 fathers from the University of Michigan, finds half of the fathers facing routine criticism and second-guessing about their parenting choices.   (Link to full release here.)

 

 

The hot-button issues for which dads are criticized the most:

• 67%: how they discipline their child
• 43%: what they fed their kids
• 32%: not paying enough attention
• 32%: playing too rough with the kids
• 24%: dealing with sleep

Many fathers respond to criticism in a positive way, such as making a change to some aspect of their parenting (49 percent) or seeking out more information on the topic (40 percent), others had the opposite reaction.

A quarter of fathers said criticism made them feel less confident as a parent and 1 in 5 say it discourages them from being more involved in parenting. Many fathers (43 percent) also believe the criticism is often unfair.

Too much disparagement causes dads to feel demoralized about their parental role. Family members – especially the other parent – should be willing to acknowledge that different parenting styles are not necessarily incorrect or harmful.

Dads most often felt criticized about how they disciplined a child, with two-thirds saying this was the top category for parenting put-downs.

• It’s not uncommon for parents to disagree over issues such as the age a child should be expected to follow certain rules or appropriate consequences for misbehavior. But it’s one of the most critical areas for parents to find common ground.

The second top daddy shaming category was diet and nutrition, with 2 in 5 dads saying they were criticized for what they fed their kids. Nearly a third of fathers also felt judged for not paying enough attention to children, and an equal number said they were told they played too rough.

And the most common source of criticism often came from within the family – usually the other parent (44 percent of the time.)

Cultural norms, family dynamics, and prior experience with his own father can also shape a dad’s parenting style and influence the expectations of others.

The same goes for criticism about being too rough or not paying attention. While fathers may engage in more physical play with their children, mothers, co-parents, or other adults may perceive that the father is not adequately protecting the child from injury.

Some fathers say they feel that professionals who interact with their child (e.g., educators or medical professionals) are dismissive of their parental role.

Even subtle forms of disparagement can undercut fathers’ confidence or send the message that they are less important to their child’s well-being. Professionals who work with children should avoid negative assumptions about fathers’ level of involvement or interest in parenting.

 

A new study from Spain shows men who get paternity leave want fewer children

 

 

In 2007, Spain introduced two weeks of paternity leave for fathers. Through that national program, qualified men were fully paid for their time off. It was so popular that in 2018 it was expanded to five weeks. Officials expect that duration to extend to 16 weeks by 2021.

Lídia Farré at the University of Barcelona, Spain, and Libertad González at Pompeu Fabra University, Spain, wanted to better understand the cultural effects of this shift in childbearing.

Two interesting findings emerged:

• First, women re-entered the workforce more quickly after giving birth.
• Second, there was a shift in men: They wanted fewer children.

With paternity leave, the distribution of duties evened out. The authors note that men learned about the many costs associated with raising children, in terms of both money and time, which shifted their outlook of the future. They also write that men became focused on childcare quality over child quantity. Or maybe men just realized how hard raising a child is.

 

Bottom Line.

It’s impressive to see the enormous culture shift in how men are embracing fatherhood. In my day, dad’s were pretty removed from the day to day of parenting, which is why I am especially thrilled and in awe of this new generation of actively engaged dads.